Find That Girl

I wrote this a few years back when I was trying to figure out how to get myself back. I used to be full of adventure but at that time was scared to do anything new and felt like I would never work again (had been laid off for a while). My self-worth was pretty low and I remembered how fearless I often was when younger, like most of us. I've been trying to find the good old "happy medium" since, and am thankfully making progress.

This poem was also included in a collection of poetry from participants in the Pendle Hill Poetry Coffeehouse.

Find that girl

Where is that girl who feared nothing?

Except snakes.

She stood in line alone so she could go on her first upside-down rollercoaster ride

Got a thrill from diving and flipping off the high dive

Loved getting caught up and turned around in the ocean waves.

Where is that girl who played football in the neighborhood

And wouldn't let that jackass see her pain when he purposely hurt her for daring to do so?

Who would do cartwheels on balance beams as well as on haystacks?

Who moved 1,000 miles by herself to start a new life in a new city where she knew no one?

Who gave everyone a chance and was friend to people from various backgrounds?

Now, she is scared.

Scared of constant rejection.

Tired of being told she is not enough.

Worried she will never BE enough.

Doubting her talents.

How can I find her again, relearn to play?

I have my hobbies but don't play, not sure how.

I want to stop being afraid,

To meet those ocean waves head-on, enjoying the chaotic tumbling.