The Dark Spiral - dealing with anxiety, depression, PTSD

Photo by Christopher Blizzard. 

This was the first poem I wrote as an adult (as in, not for a class assignment), back in 2017. I had recently been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, a diagnosis that has since changed to a mild case of PTSD. I wrote this after dealing with some suicidal thoughts. I'm so thankful for my church family who took it seriously when I mentioned my "dark thoughts" and encouraged me to find help.
The Dark Spiral

Did I answer that question right?
Did I ask the right question?
When will they find out I'm a fraud? An imposter?
Or do they already know?
Do they think I'm stupid? Incompetent?
Are people talking about me behind that closed door? Did I make a mistake? How many?

Can he still love me after 18 years? Am I a burden to him? To others? Would their lives be easier without me?

The more I worry, the more mistakes I make, the more I fall down a dark spiral, until the only thing keeping me alive is that I don't want to burden them MORE by leaving behind loose ends.

Isn't this how everyone feels? My doc says it's not, put me on some meds to help me function. Sorry, walks in the woods are helpful but the so-called "junk" meds probably saved my life.

But what about people who aren't as lucky? The former prisoner sent on his way with three days of meds? The person whose family makes fun of "those crazy people"? The person afraid that asking for help makes them weak?

I want to help speak up for them, but not sure how. But, I will continue to share my story. I will not be ashamed. I will not be afraid.